You want your ex-girlfriend back. You know it’s possible – other people have done it. But since you probably don’t have a clue what went wrong (she won’t have told you the true reason, if she even knows it herself) it’s tough to figure out what you’re supposed to do, right?
Added to that, when your actions are led by your emotions, it’s hard to avoid making mistakes that will drive her even further away … mistakes like acting desperate or showing your anger. Neither of these things will help you win her back.
A breakup doesn’t have to be forever. There are certain things you can do that can help you get your girlfriend back, no matter who she is or what the circumstances of your breakup. We can’t guarantee they will work – sometimes you have to accept and move on. But you just don’t know until you try.
Follow these 3 tips on getting your girlfriend back to give yourself the best possible chance of success:
1. Give her space
Assuming it was her choice to end the relationship, it’s a signal that she wants some space from you for a while. It’s best to give her that. Ideally, wait long enough that she might start to miss you.
Relationship coach Michael Fiore recommends 30 days of no contact. That may sound like a looooong time right now but it’s based on a lot of experience so it’s a good guideline.
A period of no contact also gives you a chance to cool off, so that when you do get back in touch with her you’re not too angry or needy. That gives you a better chance of making it work next time around.
Of course you may be in a situation where you can’t avoid some contact, for example if you work together. Just keep it to a minimum and keep it focused on business or practical matters. Don’t even ask how she is at this time.
In a work situation, a good rule is to think about how you deal with a male co-worker that you have nothing in common with, say somebody older that you don’t especially like or dislike, and try to treat her like you’d treat him. You don’t stop and chat with him, right? Most of the time, you probably don’t even notice that he’s there.
Don’t worry about what other people think. It doesn’t matter if they (or she) notice that you’re avoiding her.
2. Don’t rush into another relationship
If you want to get your ex girlfriend back, you won’t make it easier by showing up with a new girl, at least not in the early stages. Your ex will think you don’t care about her and perhaps never did. She’ll figure you are faithless and she’s better off without you.
Later, it could be a good idea to hint that there might be somebody in the background, but keep it low key. Make sure it’s always clear to your ex that you’re not that interested in the other girl. See more here about the best way to make an ex girlfriend jealous.
Of course if you fall in love with somebody else that’s another matter! But if that happens you won’t care about getting your ex back any more…
3. Keep it casual
After about a month you can start to have some contact with her again. At this time you should be sure to keep it very casual. Michael Fiore recommends ‘Across the Bow‘ texts that let your girlfriend know you’re thinking about her without putting any pressure on her.
What do we mean by putting pressure on your ex? You don’t want to do any of these things at all soon because she might experience them as pressure and it will drive her away:
NO – asking her if she’s seeing anybody
NO – asking her what she’s doing tonight/at the weekend/any time
NO – telling her you love her, miss her, think about her all the time
NO – letting her know that you know what she’s been doing (she’ll feel stalked)
NO – asking her friends about her, or having your friends find out stuff for you
NO – calling her (text or email is better at first)
NO – hanging out at places you know she goes
NO – sending her gifts, cards, flowers – even on her birthday, a text is all you need to send to show you haven’t forgotten
NO – apologizing for whatever you think you did wrong in the relationship
NO – accusing her of whatever you think SHE did wrong in the relationship – in fact, don’t discuss what went wrong, at all, ever.
Later you can ramp it up a little bit. But in the beginning, keep the tone of your contact very light and casual. Your aim is simply to let her know that you still think about her from time to time, in a good way.