Text Your Ex Back Examples: What To Text Your Ex To Get Them Back

Woman textingIf you’ve heard anything at all about Michael Fiore’s revolutionary program for fixing broken relationships, you’ll probably want a few Text Your Ex Back examples. One or two texts that you could use on your ex to figure out if this is going to work for you.

Of course you need to know what to text your ex to get her back – or him. We’ll give you some examples from Text Your Ex Back style messages in the sections below, but there is a very important warning that goes with this:

Timing Matters!

WHEN you send a text is just as important as WHAT you send. If you want to know how to win someone back, it’s not just a question of sending the special texts to get your ex back one after another, bombarding your estranged partner with SMS messages.

That will only drive them further away – even if the messages are perfectly crafted.

Patience is vital here and you must be prepared to stick to a strict timetable which Michael explains inside the system. If you want to try it for yourself now, you can get all of the details at the official website.

So with that said, let’s move on to a few example texts that you could send with the aim of winning back your ex – and keeping them forever!

Examples of ‘Across The Bow’ Texts

The phrase ‘across the bow’ comes from the days of sailing ships and the battle for supremacy of the seas. If a battleship encountered a foreign or suspicious ship, it would fire a warning shot across the front (the bow) of the other ship, doing no damage, as a ‘wake-up call’. It’s just like the police firing a shot into the air to warn people that they’re prepared to use their guns.

Of course with your ex the aim is not to threaten them with a text message, but to remind them that you’re still around and interested in them in a friendly way. It should be sent after you haven’t been in touch with your ex at all for a while.

The word ‘friendly’ there is very important! You’re not asking for anything in this text. No suggestions of meeting up or talking on the phone. The idea is to remind them of times when you were happy together, and maybe start a text conversation. For example:

Just saw [movie name]. I think you’d like it, it reminded me of the time we saw [other movie name] and how much we laughed!

Stuck in traffic, driving me crazy! Stopped right next to a [ex’s model of car] and it reminded me of you. Made me smile. Hope yours is still on the road!

You can see more Across The Bow text examples here.

You’ll see there are no demands, not even any questions in this kind of message. It’s easy for your ex to reply if they want to (they can thank you for the movie recommendation or tell you how their car is doing) but they don’t have to.

Weirdly, this makes it more likely that they will reply. If you said, “Is your car still on the road?” it might feel like you were trying to get some kind of hold on their life again. Of course you are, but you’ll only drive them away by asking questions. Wait for them to volunteer information.

If your ex doesn’t reply to your first text, you’ll need that patience again before sending anything else!

Making Your Ex Curious

Another thing that you can easily do in text messages (because they are so short) is to make your ex curious about what you are doing now. As soon as they start wondering what you are doing, they are getting interested in you again.

The way to do this is simply not to give too much information in your texts.

So with the movie example that we gave a moment ago, you wouldn’t tell them who you saw that movie with, or where you saw it. Let your ex wonder about that.

Here are some more sample texts that might help you win someone back:

Waiting for a plane – exciting times! Hope you’re doing well.

(You don’t tell them where you’re going or what’s exciting about it)

Hey – hope things are going well for you. Do you happen to remember the name of that restaurant where we had the amazing clams?

(Make them wonder who you’re going to dinner with)

As you can see from that last example, if you want to make your ex jealous, the way to do it is not to talk on and on about what a hot/smart/successful person your new date is, but just hint very vaguely that you might be seeing someone. We’ve got more about this in our article on how to make your ex girlfriend jealous. A lot of those tips will work for an ex boyfriend too.

The aim of all of these text messages is to start a conversation on a non-intrusive, friendly level. So you’ll see from the examples above, there’s never any suggestion of the emotional baggage that you might be carrying. You don’t say anything about meeting up; you don’t hint that you miss your ex.

The most important thing to remember when you are sending text messages to get your ex back is that anything demanding or emotional may make your ex run in the opposite direction. You need to take a step back so that they can become interested in you again – like at the beginning of your relationship.


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Next post: Text Your Ex Back Reviews: Video by Jennifer

87 thoughts on “Text Your Ex Back Examples: What To Text Your Ex To Get Them Back

  1. Elizabeth

    My ex and I broke up 3 months ago. We have kinda been talking back and forth a little bit and for awhile it goes really good and then we meet up and end up sleeping together and then I get a cold shoulder for awhile. Then same thing again. It’s happened twice now. Currently I am getting the cold shoulder. I’ve tried a few across the bow texts sometimes get a response sometimes don’t. I love him and honestly it Mills me that we aren’t together. I got a bunch of different reasons as to why he ended it. I just know that he is the one person I love, he is the one I want for the rest of my life. I’ve read the book and a few others and I’m trying the programs, it’s just hard. What should I do?

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      Hi Elizabeth, you don’t say specifically, but from what you describe of all that has happened in the past 3 months, it doesn’t seem likely that you have done 30 days of no contact. So there’s your first step. Then I would do one across the bow text and whether he replies or not, wait for him to get in touch again. And if he doesn’t, another 30 days before the next text. Because things have been real messy since the breakup, and you have been totally available for anything he wants, which is not ideal.

      I know it’s hard… but it’s like what do you want most, to see him one time and then lose him again, or to have an actual relationship? The second one will need a lot of patience.

      Best, Jenny

  2. Alison

    Hi, my ex broke up with about 7 weeks ago from our 7 year relationship because I had found out he had viewed some flats near his work in a city. When I approached him about it he said he wasn’t prepared for the conversation but he didn’t want to get married or have kids yet and isn’t where he wants to be in life and felt things haven’t been right for about 8 months (I’ve had breast cancer treatment in the last 8 months) which feels totally unfair. He said he loved and cared for me but wasn’t sure if he was still in love with me.

    He worked away before that for about 1.5 years coming home on a weekend and became addicted to playing computer games whilst working away because he was on his own. so when he came back from working away we had lots of arguments about his game playing as half the time he wasn’t listening or paying attention to the moment because he was so distracted.

    We have met up twice and he was flirty and we had a lovely time. He agreed to counselling to help me process the breakup but I still want him to give things another try as the last 8 months have been hell due to my illness and therefore aren’t a true representation of our normal relationship but he is refusing saying that it would be too painful to try again and he wants to move forward not back. He sounds so sure but doesnt act it when we met up.

    We had been texting each other adhoc and getting on well but last week the counselling dredged all of the relationship talk up again and now he isn’t replying to messages. He is going to see the counsellor on his own this week as I went last week. He said he would ring me after my session last week but hasn’t. Do you have any advice please as to the next step?

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      This is a difficult one because if you are having counseling, I wouldn’t want to go against anything you might be doing there.

      But in the system I generally promote, they would say it sounds like you are pushing him to keep discussing the relationship when it may be the last thing he wants to do, and it may just make him more and more sure that he wants out. I guess if it were me I would either keep doing the counseling and rely on that, without trying to see him at other times, or let go, free him of the counseling if it wasn’t his choice, and stop contacting him for a while in the hope that he will start to miss you instead of feeling pressured (if that’s what he is feeling right now). But ultimately you must do what you think best.

  3. Courtney

    My ex and I dated off and on for 7 years, we have a 6 year old together and he has 2 other kids with 2 other women (his oldest lives with him full time who I helped him get custody of). His middle child (who is 8) just found out that his dad is him and not a guy he thought was his dad who passed away 5 years ago. That son’s mom and I do not get along and she (along with my ex’s alcoholic mother) caused a lot of drama and issues with him and I and I ended up leaving him 7 months ago.

    I begged and pleaded for us to work things back out almost right away and he said no and was very mean and hateful. He started hanging out with his other baby mom for a few months and then came back to hanging out with me. We spent a handful of nights together, playing poker and having sex and taking the kids to the park and whatnot. Then the other mom got mad about it, caused him and I to get into a huge argument and now he doesn’t want anything to do with me and hardly talks to his son.

    I started no contact and am 2 1/2 weeks into it. He hasn’t reached out at all. Do you think there is any chance of us reconciling after the no contact period? He is very stubborn and I feel like, even though I am doing what I should with developing new hobbies and working on myself, that I will still be upset if things continue down this path. I stood by his side through a lot (drug use and getting clean, incarceration, etc) and was raised to always keep a family together and I do love him…I always have loved him. We were best friends for 5 years before we dated. We have a lot in common and when I do look for someone to date, I tend to find myself looking for him in another person. Please advise. I am now almost 30, he is almost 33.

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      There are no guarantees but it sounds like you are doing the right things. I would continue with what you are doing. He’s in a situation where he cannot please everybody, and you may end up having to accept sharing his time without giving him a hard time over it, or finding someone else who will be all for you. Stay strong and focused on your child, and you will find the best path.

  4. JT

    My girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. I started living in her city and moved away because of work. When I got the job, she was very supportive and said she would move (I was very supportive of her doing it when the time was right for her-no pressure). 3 weeks ago she broke up with me because she said long distance was too hard. Then when I explained why we are good together she said she didnt know what she wanted and need space and time to figure it out. Then she pivoted also saying that she wasn’t in a state to be dating someone.

    We had no prior arguments or fights – everything was good and this came out of no where. She was initiating contact with me through text for 2 weeks. The last number of days I’ve kept my distance trying to respect her wishes of space/time.

    Do you have any idea about the best approach I should take about rekindling things?

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      First, I don’t tend to pay a lot of attention to the reasons people give for breaking up. It’s not so much that people lie about it, but they may have a lot of different reasons and just say one, usually whatever they think is easiest for the other person to hear. Sometimes people don’t even know themselves. So I would do the 30 days of no contact and then the across the bow texts, like in this post.

        1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

          No, that makes no difference. It’s better to let her talk to whoever she wants to talk to, so she doesn’t start to resent you.

  5. Melissa

    Have been with this guy going to 3 years, he has not been to my house for once, will are in a distance relationship like a 4 hours by train. Have been the only one doing the visiting. And am not happy about it. Will have be on no contact for the pass 7 days he didnt text me or call me i try to move on but am finding it so hard, Because i still love him.i don’t know what to do … please i need help

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      It sounds like you’re doing great. You would just need to keep going for the full 30 days of no contact.

      In this situation, where you were always the one making the running, if you can move on then that would be best. I know it’s hard but you may feel differently by the end of the 30 days. If you do, then I’d let it go. If not, you could try an across the bow text at that time. But it will be very important that you don’t contact him too soon or too often. Good luck

  6. Jake

    My ex and I recently broke up 10 days ago. We are in a long distance relationship of two hours while I go to school full time and she works two jobs while going to school. She told me the distance was getting hard on us and she feels as if shes losing feelings and doesnt deserve me because she can’t give me the time I need. She let me know that when we were together I made her so happy but when we were apart she was sad. I believe I didnt put enough time into her via skype or facetime while I was away. We only got to see each other on the weekends for about 6 hours max. I love this girl a lot and when we are together she makes me the happiest i’ve ever been. I believe I can wait a month to let her find herself right now. Life is hard for her at the moment. Her mom believes that we can make it work because she knows her daughter still loves me. How should i go about trying to rekindle the flame once our break it up?

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      Yes you could do no contact for 30 days then use something like the example texts on this page. But don’t pay too much attention to the reasons she gave. People don’t always even know why they are breaking up with someone, and they’ll try to find reasons that sound rational, when sometimes the reasons aren’t rational at all.

      So yes, when you get back together you might want to try skyping and such more often, but not until you have a relationship with her again. Don’t try to spend more time talking with her now when she’s pulling away.

  7. Diane

    Hi, I was seeing this guy I met 10+ years ago. When we met my cousin was dating his aunt and he was friends with most of my family. We kept in touch through FB over the years and in September, when I left my ex he messaged me (NO idea HOW he knew since our break up was private and most of my family was unaware until recently) We started talking regularly and eventually disclosed that we’d always had a thing for each other. We started seeing each other a little less than a month after that. It was fun and refreshing, we got along just as well as we always did. there was a spark between us and we spent quite a bit of time together. He would always say how “being together, like this, felt so right, but so wrong” due to the fact that he spent all those years “protecting me” I thought he’d eventually get passed it, but Tuesday night, after an amazing weekend together, he texted me and ended it. He said it was getting to a level and situation he wasn’t ready for. So now I’m just here not just minus a lover, but minus one of the one TRUE friends I had. I’ve been scaling back our text conversations and plan to start NO contact this week, which is hard, because like we had also become really good friends.

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      I think you are doing the right thing. Hopefully with a low pressure approach he will miss you and want the full relationship back. If not, you will miss him as a friend while you do this, but you will almost certainly be able to pick up the friendship again later. I just wouldn’t try to be friends now because the feelings will be so mixed up for you, plus you want to help him to see he wants more than that if possible!

      1. Diane

        I’m 2 days into no contact and HE texted ME. To “check on me” and to tell me “FYI I’m missing you” I told him I missed him too but I’ve chosen to give him his space, and that I was in the middle of something and had to go.

  8. Maria

    Hi I have been dating man 58 yrs old and I am 47 yrs old during the past 6 months. He just sent me email on New Years Day dumping me because he don’t feel enough chemistry which I don’t believe based on our relationship. He is a commitment phobia never been married .He dumped me out of the blue without any warning of any kind. I am trying to do now the No Contact Rule and I haven’t reply back to his email yet.We have great chemistry and super compatible always having fun in our dates. What should I do ?

  9. J.G.

    Hey… my ex bf and i had been dating for almost 2 years… we are on our second baby… the problem is we still live together but he just wants to stay friemds and i want to get back together… he cheated on me (just a kiss) with an old friend who played in his head, and well ever since then hes been confused on how he feels about me… he knows that im always his and im not looking fro anyone else and he still had to dicside what he wants… any tips or info to help me??

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      This is a difficult one because of the kids. Your current situation is that he has you exactly where he wants you, and he even gets to live fulltime with his babies, having you to look after them most of the time I bet, while he is free to play around and take his time “deciding.” If there were no kids, I would move out or ask him to move out so he has to make up his mind a bit faster, but I get that you might not want to do that because of the kids.

      So if you want to stay living with him and he wants to be just friends, I suggest setting some ground rules as if you actually were just friends. For example, you sleep in separate rooms, no sex, and you each have evenings when you can go out and the other one takes care of the babies. And when it’s your evening you do go out and you don’t tell him where you’re going. You have a cellphone for emergencies, so he doesn’t need to know where you are. You can meet with a friend or sit in your car a block away for two hours if you want. But this will bring some equality back into your situation, with the hope that he will see that he wants you to himself and he must change to have that. I hope that helps.

  10. Ed

    What if the ex “agreed” to meet up in person for closure as part of when the brake up happened (the brake up happened over text) at “some point” in the future? I don’t know if I should use your text examples or hold my ex to their word of meeting up down the road for closure and just be forward with them on this. I want my ex back, but I’d settle for closure over nothing. Thanks for any input!

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      If you want them back, I wouldn’t hold them to any promises. It’s better not to meet up until they actually want to. This requires some patience.

      I don’t see much point in meeting for closure anyway. Will it really help you to let go? Isn’t just as likely to stir up all your feelings again? Or at best an awkward conversation with someone who really doesn’t want to be there…

  11. Lady bird

    Me and my boyfriend had been together for 12 years, we had brought a house but not moved in. I found out he has been messaging a girl from work for the past year and told me he hasn’t love me for 3 and 1/2 years which was really hard to take in and understand. He told me they were just friends but have feelings for her and both did if things were different as at the time they both had partners. I said either I meet the girl or they stop contact he didn’t want to do either he said what if I don’t and I said then we are over, he said I can’t do that to him but I had to for my own sanity, the next day he spoke to her as they spend every lunch break together. I had to go ahead with what I said and end the relationship even though I didn’t want to. He never ended it he said he just needed space he isn’t in love with me any more. Nothing he says makes sense I had no sign he hasn’t loved me for 3 and 1/2 years surely I would have picked up on something? He has taken the girl on a dinner date and booked a hotel for her birthday. I don’t feel we have a chance of getting back together as they have emotionaly bonded over the past year and now they can have what they wanted. Do you think there is any chance we would get back together?

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      Right, so he wanted to make a home with you while having a relationship with this other girl? I think you did totally the right thing and it was shitty of him to go ahead with buying a house with you if that was how he felt. But I’m sure you’ve heard this from a ton of people and don’t need to hear it again.

      It’s possible that he’ll find he doesn’t want the other relationship – sometimes people get what they thought they wanted and then find they don’t want it after all. But in that case he’ll come back to you, so you don’t need to do anything.

      I’d suggest having no contact with him unless you still have legal and financial matters to sort out, and work on rebuilding your life so you have plenty of interesting ways to fill your time. It’s tough doing that after the breakup of a long relationship, but plenty of people do it, then look back and say they’re glad it happened because it opened up so many opportunities for them.

      My hope for you is that you meet the much nicer guy that you deserve, but if you still want him back after a few months, you could try this system. But don’t let your feelings for him make you miss out on life in the meantime.

      1. Lady bird

        It’s been over two months and I am struggling to move on. My head is like a broken record player. I thought we had a future together. I’m struggling to understand how he can just shut me out like I never existed you can’t just wipe out 12 years can you? I don’t know how to move on and I don’t know how to even start to meet new people. I’m not saying I want to meet someone for a relationship that’s the last thing I want right now. I just don’t know how to get over the pain and damage it has caused me.

        I am struggling to make sense of anything he said he has had issues from the beginning of our relationship and that he hasn’t loved me for 3and 1/2 years surely I would he would have been different towards me? We went on holiday in August and in the pool he couldn’t keep his hands of me, but for the past year he has been emotionally cheating with a girl from his work. I noticed he was very possessive of his phone but I thought it was a bit of porn between the lads. It was his brother and mother which noticed things and made me question him so I hacked into his instagram and saw the messages. He calls her pepper and she calls him salty. Never in a million years did anyone expect this of him because he struggles to deal with his dad having an affair on his mum and left the family for the other woman. I feel he has inflicted the same pain on me. He doesn’t see he has cheated on me because nothing physically happened! Everyone even his family and friends are so shocked it’s so out of character for him. He was scared that once we moved into the house that I would want more like kids and marriage but I thought we both just wanted some pets. We have both said we don’t want marriage and kids but the past year I have been questioning myself because I am scared of regrets but my mind hasn’t changed and he thought I would want more but I don’t, I know that he doesn’t want that and thought we were on the same page. But he was scared that we would move in and I would want more, but if he hasn’t loved me for 3 and 1/2 years what’s there to be scared about? I wish he told me back then he didn’t love me yes it would hurt but be a bit easier than having to deal with the fact that he has developed feelings for someone else while with me. That has completely destroyed me and made me feel worthless, not good enough. I lack confidence anyway but this has really knocked me he made me feel so safe but now I feel so vulnerable

        1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

          I am so sorry to hear you are going through all this. The best thing you can do is to rebuild your life and find something to interest you and take you out of your pain a little bit. This will give you more of a solid emotional base to meet him from if things do rekindle, plus helping you through the pain now.

          For example, think back to hobbies you’ve had in the past, or something you always wanted to do but never had time, and find related classes or groups where you would expand your horizons and meet people who didn’t know you as a couple. This can be scary but if so, approach it in baby steps. You may have to force yourself to do stuff at first. Maybe a friend or coworker goes to a yoga class and you could join them? Brainstorm several possibilities and pick one. It doesn’t matter what you pick!

          Helping other people can also be AMAZING for this. You probably have time on your hands where you are sitting watching TV alone – try volunteering that time in some way. There are tons of ways to do this from helping in a non-profit store to fetching library books for people who are housebound. Start small so you’re not over-committing your time, but do start, and make it something where you are physically meeting people, not just giving money or doing something on the internet. The feeling you get from having made a difference to someone really helps with emotional pain.

          And for a small thing to do in the moment when things seem overwhelming, clean something in your home. Not a full-on major clean, just pick one thing which might be the vacuuming, straightening your closet, or cleaning the glass on all the mirrors and pictures, and do it. This gets the body active which helps the emotions to settle, plus you end up feeling good about your surroundings which helps you feel a little bit better about your life.

          Hugs, Jennie


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