When The No Contact Rule Works With An Ex – And When It Doesn’t

Couple Not Talking
If you’ve been looking online for information on how to make an ex want you back, you’ve probably heard of the no contact rule. It says, quite simply, that before you start making any move toward getting back together, you need to go through a period of time when you have no contact with an ex.

For most people, this is not easy to do. You may be wondering if it’s even worth it. Let’s see how the no contact rule works with an ex so you can decide whether it’s likely to be successful for you.

No Contact Rule – How Long?

In Text Your Ex Back, Michael Fiore lays down a 30 day no contact rule to get an ex back. He says this is the best length of time to go without seeing, phoning or texting your ex.

Some online sources suggest waiting even longer. We don’t think that’s necessary, although you can still get back together with an ex after more time. If several months or even years have passed since you had any contact with your ex, you’re in a great position because you can begin the next step without waiting.

But 30 days of no contact is enough in most cases. It’s time for your ex to begin to forget the heat of whatever caused the breakup. If they’ve started seeing someone new, it gives them time to maybe become disillusioned with that new relationship.

It’s also enough time for the pain of the breakup to lose its sharpest edge for you. We don’t mean you’ll get over your ex in that time – likely you’ll still miss them and want to get back together, but you’re not so likely to act emotionally which would probably only drive them further away. You can be cool – and you have to be cool if you want your ex back.

To discover more about how the no contact rule works and exactly how to make an ex want you back, check out Text Your Ex Back here.

Does The No Contact Rule Work?

The no contact rule works in a lot of cases because it gives the space you both need to stop acting on raw emotion and start thinking realistically about how you can reestablish your relationship and build it to be stronger next time around.

There’s a good chance it will work if:

– your ex doesn’t want to see you

– you know you’ve been contacting your ex too much (calling, seeing them, texting)

– you want the relationship to work

– you’re prepared to do things differently next time around

There are situations where it doesn’t work. For example if you expect your ex to change and you’re not willing to change yourself, the problems that you had before are likely to come back. But it’s your best shot, so for anybody who wants to get back together with an ex, it’s worth trying.

You won’t know unless you try!

When We Say ‘No Contact’…

… we mean it! You don’t call your ex or show up at their apartment … okay, you got that.
But also:

– you don’t call their number just to hear their voicemail.

– you don’t hang around near their workplace to catch a glimpse of them going in or out.

– you don’t ‘just happen to be passing’ their favorite lunch venue.

– you don’t seek out their friends hoping to hear some news.

– you don’t even look at their Facebook page to find out what they’re doing.

Wait until you’re back in contact with them and let them tell you what they’ve been doing – if they want to. That way, you’ll be genuinely surprised and they won’t feel you’ve been spying on them.

What If You HAVE To Have Contact With Your Ex?

In a few cases there might be reasons why some contact between you is necessary. You might have kids and need to arrange access visits. You might have left stuff at your ex’s home and want to fetch it, or the other way around. You might even work together.

In that situation, think what you would do if you REALLY didn’t want any contact with your ex at all. What would you do if this was a person that you never wanted to see or hear from again? Some ideas:

– if you needed to collect stuff from them, you’d either do it when they were not home or have a friend pick it up for you.

– if they wanted things from your place, you wouldn’t be there. You might ask a friend to be there to check they didn’t take all of your furniture. Or, you’d pack up their stuff and leave it with a friend for them to collect, or have UPS deliver it to them.

– if you were arranging access for your kids, you’d do it in the most distant way: again, through a friend or family member, or even through your lawyer if a divorce has started.

– if you work for the same company, you’d just avoid them as much as you can. Take a route to the coffee machine that doesn’t pass by their desk. Use the stairs to avoid meeting in the elevator. Consider looking for another job or applying for a promotion that would take you out of your ex’s work area. You might be able to make a good career move from the situation.

Use your friends and family during this time. Most of those people will be glad to help you – if you just ask!

“It’s Hard!”

Yes it can be hard to face a whole 30 days of not seeing or speaking to your ex – but you CAN do it if you keep telling yourself that it’s the best – in fact, probably the only – way to make your ex want you back.

Think of all the future that you might have together – the years of happiness. You don’t want to throw that away by indulging your impulses now.

It helps if you can see the next steps ahead of you too. If you understand the whole process, you’ll see where this fits in the system and how the no contact rule works to help you get back together.

>> Click here to see all the steps right now and
start getting your ex back
with Text Your Ex Back from the official website <<


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275 thoughts on “When The No Contact Rule Works With An Ex – And When It Doesn’t

  1. Anne

    So this is a very complex breakup/NC too me. I really feel hopeless at times. My ex and I broke up 2 weeks ago. He said that he didn’t want a relationship he wanted me in his life but he didn’t want a relationship anymore. We were together for 10months and I fell in love with him. He’s very damaged inside I knew this in the beginning as I am also a damaged person but we were so good with one another, it was the feeling of wow I can be my complete self &my heart had that feeling of when you know that this is the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. Well. He broke up with me and I cried begged pleaded all of it, &she was set on not making it work together, not growing together. I’ve been doing NC for 11 days now but his mom loves me like truly loves me and always wants me to spend time with her, so immediately after our breakup like (the next day) I had to stay with her for a week while my apt was having Reno done. So I feel like that sort of defeated NC bc she knows how bad I’m doing and if he knows how sad I am he will continue to feel guilty and bad inside which I don’t want, also we have mutual friends which also can tell him what’s going on in my life. This really hurts bc Im more than willing to do NC in order to get him back but is it even possible in my situation? I really feel like it’s sort of hopeless and it crushes me inside. Advice?

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      Sorry you’re feeling so sad. Yes, the time you spent with his mother would not count for NC. If you continue seeing her, you’ll need to try to be upbeat and not talk about him. Regarding the mutual friends, you could ask them not to tell him anything about you. And of course, not to tell you about him. But frankly, I would try to see more of your own friends who don’t know him so well at this time, and less of his friends and family.

      Most friends take one side or the other in a breakup, at least in the first weeks. A rule of thumb is that if they’re mainly his friends, they won’t contact you now. If they’re your friends, they will.

      I would do the 30 days of no contact and then start the next steps. In the meantime, whatever happens, the fact that you’ve been able to have one relationship where you could be your complete self is wonderful, and the truth is that you can build from there either with or without him. Although I know that’s not much comfort now, and I hope you’ll get him back.


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