I Miss My Ex Girlfriend – Does She Miss Me?

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If you’ve recently broken up with your girlfriend, you may be feeling a multitude of emotions, including sadness, regret or frustration. Sometimes this time of depression can take over your life, especially if the relationship ended with unanswered questions.

Perhaps you were initially very angry at the breakup, but now that some of the dust has settled, you may be finding yourself realizing “I miss my ex girlfriend.” This article will take you through some of the signs your ex girlfriend wants you back and the things you can do to figure out if your ex girlfriend is missing you as well. Read on to learn more.

Does My Ex Girlfriend Miss Me?

First, remember that what you’re feeling is completely natural. After most breakups, both parties are missing each other. Now to answer the question, “does my ex girlfriend miss me?” you will need to take note of some important information. Start with, who instigated the breakup, or if it was not just one person, was it mutual?

If it was you who decided that you two should break up in the first place, then your chances will be pretty sure that she is missing you right now. But even if it was mutual or if she was the one who said she wanted the breakup, there is still a high chance that she is missing you too (especially if you are missing her as well).

To answer the question “does my ex girlfriend miss me?” you will also want to consider a few more pieces of information.

How Long Were You Dating?

If your relationship had only lasted for a few months, this could just be a bump in the road. After all, in a relationship that is only a few months old, there is bound to be a section of time in which you are still getting to know each other and figuring out what pushes each other’s buttons. Even though you’re apart now, she may be missing you and a mutual friend or a program like Mike Fiore’s Text Your Ex Back will end up bringing you back together and give you time to talk out whatever made you break up in the first place.

If you had been dating for years, is this your first breakup? Did you miss your ex girlfriend and did your ex miss you at that time? If you’ve broken up before and then gotten back together, that means that you both missed each other at that time, and this could be simply a repeat of that scenario.

How Did The Breakup Go?

Now consider how the breakup happened. Was it a fiery breakup with a lot of tears and a lot of fighting? Or was it a calm and perhaps tearful goodbye? The former (a loud and angry breakup) means there was a lot of passion in the relationship. Passion can cause both great love and great pain, so actually this is a good thing, and it means that after the two of you split in a rage and both calmed down you realized that you may have both overreacted.

If the breakup was a calm one where one of you approached the other or you had a calm breakup discussion, that means there is likely a lot of friendship and love there, and it will be very hard for you to now be completely without her and for her not to miss you.

Signs Your Ex Girlfriend Wants You Back

There are several key signs to knowing when your ex girlfriend wants you back. The first sign is probably the most obvious, and that is if she continues contact with you. Your ex girlfriend will definitely be missing you if she texts or calls you, likes or comments on your Facebook or contacts you in any other way even as seldom as once a week. This means that you are on her mind, and if you’re on her mind that means your ex misses you.

If this happens, don’t rush into anything, just be open and kind with her. Don’t be pushy about “talking” or seeing each other. Just remember to be nice, and she will remember how great it was to be with you and say she wants you back.

This may seem counter intuitive, but the opposite of the first sign is also a sign that your ex girlfriend wants you back. This means, if your girlfriend never ever contacts you it could be a sign she is actually thinking about you all the time and missed you. The truth is, ignoring someone completely is something that a girl will do because she wants to shove it in your face that she doesn’t care, especially if it was you that dumped her.

Similarly, if she appears to have “moved on” because you see lots of pictures of her having fun and hanging all over guys, this may be a farce, and it’s actually her plan. Don’t buy it. A girl may only do that to make you jealous, because she misses you. Again, don’t be mean about it, just continue to be distant but nice, and eventually she will break down and ask to talk or to see you.

Breaking up is never easy, but most of us have all gone through tough breakups, and the rate of reuniting after a breakup is tremendously high if you do the right things. So if you are thinking “I miss my ex girlfriend,” just give it time, don’t get too frustrated, watch for the signs your ex girlfriend wants you back and remember to always be open and kind.

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Next post: How To Make An Ex Girlfriend Jealous And Get Her Back

154 thoughts on “I Miss My Ex Girlfriend – Does She Miss Me?

  1. Son


    My Ex and I have been thru multiple breakups. We’ve been arguing a lot, fighting & she avoided to talk about our stuff so we can learn from our mistakes. She broke up with me 3 weeks ago, I pleaded etc already. Im blocked from everywhere, She’s been blocking me for the past 13 months. She was always blocking me whenever we argue. & i have already tried no contact rule for 2 times already before. It was all success. And i dont know if its gonna work this time… Can you help please.. Thanks

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      Sure, I’d try it again, but you will also need to do something to stop this pattern. If you keep on fighting and breaking up, sooner or later one of those breakups will be permanent.

      Since she doesn’t want to talk about it, you’ll have to work on this by yourself. The key is how to avoid being drawn into arguments and fights, without letting the other person walk all over you. This is possible, but it means staying calm and objective and not taking things personally.

      As soon as she becomes annoyed about something, you can look for ways to solve whatever issue she has raised, instead of reacting by defending yourself and trying to win the argument. And when you are angry yourself, you can learn to step back from it and figure out what you want here and ask for it calmly without accusing her of stuff. You could google a few things like assertiveness training and preventing fights in relationships.

  2. Sean

    Hey, I know this is an older post but i thought i’d go out on a limb and ask for some advice.

    My girlfriend of a year and three months dumped me because we were having a bit of a turbulent month, what with me having midterms and her getting sick and becoming very unhappy in her career (I am 22 and a student she is 25 and working). We had an amazing relationship overall, built on a proper combination of both lust and friendship as we met each other almost 5 years ago and as time went on we became true best friends. We rarely ever fought and we were very open with each other about our feelings. We would always make plans for the future, even if it was just a few months in advance, and even had some talks about marriage and otherwise as time went on and i got a little closer to attaining my PhD.

    As i said before we ended up having a rough month, which resulted in us having two big fights in the month of february. She proceeded to ask me for a break from the relationship for a few weeks, so that she could sort out her feelings about the relationship as she felt that even though she loved me fully as a person, and had fallen in love with me, she claimed that she would fall back out of love with me, either because we would have a small disagreement, or because something had gone wrong in her own life outside of the relationship, she would pull back, and not feel it anymore.

    We still talk every now and then to some extent, as well as the occasional snapchat or DM on instagram and she still confides in me and asks me for advice on certain things. I miss her to death and do not know what to do, if anyone has any advice i’d love to hear it!

    PS i have offered on numerous occasions for her to come get her belongings from my place as we almost lived together sleeping over 5-6 nights out of the week at either my house or hers. I even offered to make the hour drive to her place to drop it off, and she said that she would come and get it, but hasn’t, and won’t even mention it, even when she does text me.

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      Sean, I read all of your message but I have shortened it a little for the site.

      The system I would follow begins with 30 days of no contact with your ex. You can see about it here: http://textyourexbackspy.com/no-contact-rule-works-with-ex/

      This can be hard, especially if you are trying to keep a friendship going, but in most cases the “friendly” contact is experienced by the other person as pressure that pushes them away. It’s hard for both of you to be friends when one of you wants more than friendship, even if you try to hide that. No contact allows the other person to relax and figure out that they miss you and want a true relationship with you again.

      Regarding her things at your place, I would definitely not keep pushing her about this. As I see it, you have two options:
      1. You pack the things and store them for her and tell her nothing, but just wait until she contacts you about them.
      2. You pack them and tell her you will deliver them to a friend or family member of hers (or a friend of yours that she knows well). But don’t take them to her residence or her place of work. The aim is that she gets the things back without the two of you meeting, because it sounds like she wants to avoid that, and you will too if you’re doing no contact.

      I would go for option 2 because it sends her the message that you’re not holding her things hostage i.e. not using them to try to persuade her to meet with you. But either way, I’d pack them so you don’t have to look at them all of the time.

  3. Dylan robles

    My ex gf and I were together for almost 5 years. She’s 21 I’m 24. In july would be 5 years. She broke up with me last week. She moved from San Diego to Seattle to live with her aunt. She didn’t even tell me she was leaving. She just disappeared. All she left was a note saying she was sorry for leaving like this and that she still loves me but had to do what was best for her. And to focus on our goals individually. I love this girl with all my heart we would always talk about marriage and kids etc. We even had our goals for this year like moving in together and stuff. Idk why she chose to leave out of nowhere. Breaks my heart. I know she still loves me and I love her. I spoke to her aunt the other day and she got in contact with her since I can’t she blocked me from everything. Her aunt said she said she needs time. I respect her decision and I’m willing to give her time but how long is too long of a wait? And our 5 year anniversary Is in two months. If I were to book a flight to her and show up the day of or before our anniversary, wouldn’t she see how much I truly love her ? That’s my last resort if she doesn’t contact me in these next two months.

    1. Dylan robles

      And also before she left she was going through a lot of stress because of her job, car breaking down, living conditions, etc. I think it all just overwhelmed her and she had to leave and take a breather. I really love her and would do anything to have her by my side again. Please help.

        1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

          It sounds like she needs a break, and your best hope is to let her have what she wants. I’d follow the system in this situation, i.e. 30 days of no contact followed by across the bow texts.

          Flying out to see her without an invitation would probably be a bad idea. It would feel like a lot of pressure to her, and she’s likely to feel cornered and maybe even threatened. I know that’s not your intention, but success usually comes from helping your ex to miss you and want you back, not trying to see her before she’s ready.

  4. K.K.

    We broke up our 5 year 4 month relationship peacefully 2 months ago a few days after valentines.

    After that we were messaging each other once a week only to find out things shes done things that got me more shocked such as her dating, hooked up with the guy.

    I realised i love her and i constantly tried to reach her for three weeks. Only to get pushed back and getting blocked. I stopped because i found out through a friend that she was on a new relationship already (which is quite fast)

    She messaged a few days ago saying that we’ll talk when the time is right and that she still dont know if she made the right decision. I miss her but shes with someone now.. Is NC recommended in this scenario?

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      Yes. It’s the best scenario. Then you would follow up with the “across the bow” texts after 30 days of NC.

  5. M.T.

    I met my exgirlfriend at work and we dated. It was so intense and in no time we were talking love, soul mates and marriage. More her than me, but I did find myself falling for her. She also had two children, but did not want to introduce them straight away. We went on lovely walks and she made me feel so positive that we had a great future together. Then last Nov she ended the relationship, I tried to persuade her to change her mind, but to no avail, so I backed off. She then chased me and we started texting throughout end of Dec and whole of Jan. She cited we had ended because I did not make her feel wanted, did not show interest in her kids and was not committed enough and talked about my exes too much, yet it was her asking the questions. She wanted to get engaged after eight dates. Thing is I would have married her as I really love her. The texting was up and down. One minute she was sweet saying she knew I loved her, the next she was critical about all what I do such as cycling, rowing, diving, photography etc. On the 02 Feb I received a number of negative texts and by this stage was fed up with it. During the texting period she refused to meet up or take calls. I suggested we have some space, but only temporary. This resulted in her texting me that I would never hear from her again and she was now blocking me. During Feb I wrote to her a few times being friendly and telling her I was sad she thought I didn’t care about her. I also included ideas of how we could communicate better. I never heard anything so I sent a final short letter accepting she did not want contact and therefore I would not make any further contact, but should she ever change her mind then she knows where I am. I also included a drawing of her dog I did at Xmas and was never able to give to her. I then received a call from the police saying she had been in touch and wanted no more correspondence and a clean break. Basically if I tried to contact her then it could end in legal issues. I really miss her and cannot understand what changed from deep intensity one minute to complete coldness. This is a woman in her mid 40s. Sadly there is nothing I can do as any forward action on my part could result in legal problems so I cannot risk this for my career etc. Just all seems bizarre given how deeply involved she appeared to be and the potential we had.

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      Yes, as you say, you cannot do anything in this situation except try to put it behind you and move on. I hope in a short time you will find someone more deserving of you and be glad that you did not tie yourself to someone who sounds like she would be a difficult person to be married to. Good luck

  6. Jake

    I dated my ex gf for about 3 months. It was long distance but we saw each other the first time after about a month, stayed at her place for roughly 2 days and everything went great. Made plans to meet again, etc. Before meeting in person, we developed what I thought to be a strong connection, talking on the phone for hours at a time, texting all day and night. We both seemed to be falling in love with each other at a fast pace. Second time we met, she stayed over my place for about 10 days or so. We went out together several times, mostly had fun, although because of my work schedule, we tend to be slightly more distant than before. About 2 days before she flew back home, we had a huge fight which she said I scared her and it brought back memories of her past, she has a bad history with men, abuse and mistrust, no relationship with her father ETC , therefore she dated women all her life. I tried to explain to her that I would never do anything to harm her, etc. We made up the next day, and she flew back home the following day, and had made plans for her to move in with me the next time we saw each other. Everything was moving at a fast pace, but it just seemed so real and so genuine it was hard to deny it. After she got home, she ignored my messages and texts for about 2 days before she called me and told me it wasn’t going to work. She told me I have anger issues, and that she feels more compatible with women. I didn’t talk to her for about a week, and then I reached out to her, offering to help her with her financial situation, she was out of work and seemed to be in need. I was doing everything out of love for her, we agreed to be friends only with no feelings involved. I continued to help her with her financial situation, and we would video chat on the phone daily, and she would always reach out and we would talk. One day she texts me out of the blue if I’m over her and I told her no, and later in the day she tells me she Still loves me. I told her I love her back. And didnt say anything about it for a few days. When I brought it up a few days later, she said we are only friend and nothing else, and became extremely upset and told me to stay out of her life. I called her two days later and we made up, and she video chatted me a few times, one time even asking me to not date anyone became she still “wants me”. A few days later she calls me on video chat while I’m at work and I answer the phone casually like a friend would, no cute greeting, nothing, and she became upset saying that I act different when I’m around others and hung up. Tried to call back and no response. I’m confused because she said she only wanted to be friends but is giving me mixed signals, hot and cold, and i feel like im being used or manipulated, and she’s just dragging me along. I have a feeling she is currently dating another female, although not sure if she cheated on me with her. I really love this girl and thought we had something going, and it’s literally driving me crazy. I’ve been no contact for a few days and am going to give it a try to see what happens. Any advice? Thanks

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      Yes, I would do no contact in this situation. She sounds very confused, and some space may help with that.

      She may get angry, because it sounds like she expects you to be there for whatever she needs, without taking account of what you need, and people sometimes are angry when the other person suddenly sets boundaries in that situation. If you feel you need to explain, I would say this hot and cold is messing with your head and your heart, and you need some space until she is ready to date exclusively with you. Or something like that.

  7. IT

    Me and the ex recently broken up. We was together for 2 and a half years. We loved each other greatly. We had 2 kids together. She ended the relationship stating she needed a break. I saw it coming tbh. She was cold and distant the day it happened. She said she still loved me. Still wanted to marry me and still wanted me to adopt her other daughter. We had both become distant in the months before hand. I was working 70 hours a week. She had just given birth 14 weeks before and was suffering post natal depression. I myself was in a depressed state and agree to the break up to take pressure of the relationship. Shortly after the break we had an argument where she said it was over for good. She’s now in a relationship with a man. It happened relatively quickly. He pretty much threw homself at her in a vulnerable state. I cannot believe that if she was of sound mind at the time that she’d ever have given him a second thought. I believe it to be a rebound relationship. I believe her intentions are to make me jealous. I believe she wants me to chase her but i’m attempting nc. Told her something big just happened in my life and that i’d like tell her about it soon and that i wish we can be good friends. Since then she has messaged me asking what it is. I’ve had several no caller i.d calls that i’m confident is her. She’s turned up at my work 2 days in a row. Once on her own and the next day with this other guy flaunting. Luckily i wasnt at work. Whats your opinion. I still love her and i still want her but i’m not going to lose anymore dignity by pursuing her. Its not attractive. I’m willing to play the long game. Thanks

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      Yes, I would do no contact in this situation. If the other relationship is rebound (and I agree it sounds likely) it’s better to wait until it’s broken up or on the point of breaking up before you try again, otherwise you could end up being seriously messed about.

      I wouldn’t really try to be friends, either, but wait until she’s ready to start the relationship again. Of course you will want access to your kids, and you want that to be on a friendly basis if possible, but you would spend the minimum time with her, just whatever you have to do to pick up the kids. You wouldn’t be chatting and telling her about your life or listening to her tales of what she’s up to.

      Take a look at this post: http://textyourexbackspy.com/no-contact-rule-works-with-ex/

  8. Jack

    so here is my story.. I was with this girl for almost 2 years. this is the second break up. first break up was because she thinks the relationship wont work anymore not because she stopped loving me. after 1 month of the first break up we got back. she was telling me she misses me and etc. she seemed like she really loved me back then because she chose to come back after all the things i did to her. (i took her for granted).

    after we got back we had an issue where she doenst put any effort into the relationship because she is scared that it will happen again.( me taking her for granted). i told her to start fresh but then she brought the past memories to this so it really bothered me.

    last week I was with this other girl with my girl friends permission and when she asked me where I was i jokingly said over the rainbow which pissed the hell out of her. before I said this everything was going okay. and later that night, we didnt really talk and the next day i sent her a long sincere sorry msges and some cute texts she might like through snapchat and she chose to ignore it.

    we didnt rlly talk for the next 2 to 3 days as she chose to ignore or reply with cold texts to my texts. and last saturday i was fed up so i finally confronted her and asked her if she wants to continue the relationship and she said she wants to end it.

    i was pissed because she isnt telling me anything and she just ignores my msges or reply with short msges until now and she is saying that she wants to end it. i replied with “okayy” and some questions asking why she chose to date again if she wouldnt put any effort into it and etc. the next day she msged me “im sorry.. have fun singapore” )i was going to singapore with my family that day). i replied to her how i dont understand her and etc. I was pissed but then now that 4 days have passed I am now curious why she chose to ignore my msges and all that. did she alrdy moved on or lost interest from before? I now know that she didnt receive/saw my sincere sorry msges in snapchat because her friend opened the chat not her and didnt tell her. I tried msging her but she isnt reading/replying.(she didnt block me though). she isnt saying that she misses me or anything.

    it is really cold. she isnt msging me or anything, just nothing. did she really move on? i heard from her classsmate(we are in different school) that she cried on monday and before she broke it up with me, she told her classmate that she isnt happy with the relationship and she was emotional. I know for a fact that her close girl friends kinda hate me because they only hear things from my girlfriend’s perspective, not mine. I msged my gf and my gf’s best friend yesterday but she havent replied yet when i know they are on/alrdy read it. is she trying to move on? she is ignoring my msges completely and i dont know if i should try to pursue her or just move on.

    im assuming that since my gf only told her friends her version of the story, they think that the reason of the break up is me when it was her that didnt put any effort into the relationship. i told my version of the story to my gf’s best friend but she ignored it too. (its been a day). what is she trying to do? is she trying to move on, or did she move on, or is she trying to make me miss her and seek revenge by not texting me at all?? please help… thanks in advance

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      First, you seem to be paying a lot of attention to what her friends are doing and thinking, including involving one of them in the issues by telling her your version. Try to stop this and keep things between you and your girlfriend. Messages get messed up when they go through another person.

      I can’t read her mind but it sounds to me like she wants some space. You have apologized and made it clear you want the relationship to continue, so you could now take the first step of the text your ex back plan by doing 30 days of no contact. This would include not contacting her friends. Good luck

  9. jake

    I have a very strange interesting story to tell.
    I met this beautiful lady on a dating website, quickly we switched contact details and started to text each other, didn’t take that long to feel very interested to meet up.
    but that wasn’t easy, we both have children and we live so distant from each other, we really wanted to meet but the conditions were against us.
    so, we agreed on moving on and can try other people and if we meant to each other then we will find a way to get in touch.
    didn’t take that long and we texted each other again despite the idea that we both started to date different people but we were always curious about each other. then we stopped for a while, texted back for a while and it kept running like that for about 9 months.
    by that time my conditions changed, me and my ex have finished our contracts and we both wanted to move out of town and we settled on the fact that the kids will stay with her at the time being full time because they’re so young and we are both moving from our town for 2 different towns because of work.
    so I moved really close to that sms woman because of my new job, we wanted to meet in real life and see how would it be. we sparked from the very first moment we met and didn’t take that long to feel very close to each other, super happy and like this life is the very correct one for both of us, but… sometimes she used to act wierd.
    after 3 months of dating I found out that she has a boyfriend, I was shocked and waited for her to tell me but she didn’t, until I confronted her and she didn’t deny it at all, she said that she got trapped in that relationship, bought a property with her boyfriend and she’s finishing it, and that’s why she sees me.
    the bond became stronger between us, I swear that the deep feelings and understanding that we have is like nothing on earth, all the songs are written about us, she had told me that I’m her soul mate and she never was that close to anyone before, we both are very happy all the time when we are together.
    she started to interduce me to her children, we spend most of the time together. until one day she texted me and told me that her boyfriend found out about us and she lied to him about who we are because she was scared, and that he was so sad and she didn’t want to hurt him. so I offered her to step away from her life but she really wanted me to stay so I stayed.
    after a while things started to be on a roller costar, ups and downs so often, she feels like coming and going like she doesn’t have a clue what she wants, she still has a lot of things to sort out and finalize with her boyfriend. after a while she told me that she doesn’t want to hold me back and asked me to move on, but that didn’t take so long to come back and tell me that she still wants to see me.
    we planned to go for a vacation for few days and we both were so exited about it and looking forward, the night before our flight she texted me a picture if a note that her boyfriend found out about us again and he’s leaving her. and that she felt so guilty about it. so we catched up for a last time to say good bye or (see you later in life) and told her that she should be single when she contact me again.
    I don’t know how I end up in this complicated “relationship” and why do I miss her so much despite the fact that I gave up the very lady fragment of dignity with her, and still hope that she’s coming back, I don’t know if she miss me like I miss her, if she will contact me again how should I react?

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      How you react would depend on whether you are willing to be her “side dish” if she has not left her boyfriend.

      If you want to have an exclusive relationship with her, where neither one of you sees other people, you’d want to be sure she had moved out and wasn’t seeing her boyfriend anymore.

      But I have to say also, that somebody who has been deceiving her boyfriend for so many months is likely to do the same thing again. In a year or two, you might be the boyfriend finding her messages to somebody new.

  10. Justin

    I have just recently been dumped by my first serious girlfriend. We had been going out for about 5 months and seeing each other about 7 months.
    In the beginning it was great and we both couldn’t keep our hands off each other and we used to spend so much time together.
    Then about three months ago things got more distant and she started grudging the time we were spending and said she felt like she was now fitting me in at the weekends because that was all we could see each other some weeks. We grew distant but still spoke on the phone every night and when I wanted to arrange things such as date nights or nights/weekends away I could tell she wasn’t really into the idea of it.
    She went a week long holiday with her family before we broke up and during this time she decided it would be good not to talk to me (I knew this was because she was going to give the relationship some thinking time) and when she got back she told me that she had not missed me and felt we should break up.
    I don’t know what to do now, I was upset when we finished but I have not been in contact with her since except one time to respond to her when she was asking a specific question.
    Do you think there is any hope here that she can miss me and we could go back to how it was in the beginning and if so what should I do in the meantime?


  11. Darryl

    Hi, me and my ex was together for 2 months it litrelly was the best 2 months aswell, we went to an engagement do it was her best friends on Saturday. I was introduced to some of her work lot and there was this one guy we spoke about footy shared the same footy teams and we left it at that, through the night he was saying nobody should mention football to him while he was drunk (and I was told to be careful as he’s like that with young lads) and while getting into the Taxi on the way home he attacked me infront of my partner. My partner works with him didn’t say a thing or try stop this, We got out of the taxi I was calling for my partner I said ‘jade’ & said ‘Come here’ but she walked away back to the event so I kick off when I tried to get her attention swearing a little nothing direct to her just in frustration, it’s understandable I was in shock, I knew nobody, was targeted by a random man & wanted my partner to support me and she walked away, I finished her that night and finished her drunk, the next day her friend said we should speak as she said we was the best thing to happen to each other but then I found out she was telling my ex to leave me after how I reacted? I spoke to family and friends and everyone says I did nothing wrong I just wanted my partner to back me. I messaged my ex she didn’t want to talk the next day. I then heard from her in the evening and she said I went to far when she was walking away but all I wanted was support but can’t see my view anyone normally would support their partner. That morning she said I can’t wait to me you wife and we had great intentions we always said we loved each other and that was the first argument we had. But now since Saturday we haven’t spoke and I’m doing no contact. All her work lot was there and i feel she’s probably been brainwashed at work taking her side but really I did nothing wrong I wanted to get my ex and move away from the situation. Just want some advice I’ve looked on so many pages and they said she’ll be hurting but just want your help please.

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      OK, so if I were you I’d stop bothering about what anybody else says or thinks except you and your ex. Your friends and family are supporting you by saying you did nothing wrong. Hers are supporting her by saying she was right to be upset. None of that matters, it’s not a question of right or wrong, they’re all just being supportive to their own friend. You both have people looking out for you – that’s a good thing.

      It sounds to me like you both feel you were right and the other one was wrong. If you don’t come down off that position, the relationship won’t survive. Try to see it from her point of view. You had a few drinks and got into an argument with someone from her work. That’s not going to make her look good at work. If I was in her position I might have been supportive to you after we left and we were alone, but not at the time. I wouldn’t have wanted to get involved in an argument with my co-worker. I’m not saying the argument was your fault, very likely it wasn’t, but I understand why she wanted to keep out of it.

      My advice would be to spend a little time imagining you were a woman and this was happening to you, and see if you can understand why she did what she did, even if you don’t think it was the ideal behavior. And try to stop thinking about who is right or wrong. Just see that you’ve both hurt each other and the best thing you can do is apologize for your share in it – without expecting that she will immediately apologize too. After that, step back and give her some space to think.

      You may have said sorry already, but from the way you’ve written here I would guess you said something like “Sorry but I did nothing wrong” or “Sorry but it was the other guy’s fault.” “Sorry but” is not an apology, it’s a defense. Try just saying “Sorry I got angry” or “Sorry I upset you” without any “but” after it.

      It’s difficult! But it’s worth learning to do that. It will make a huge difference in all your relationships – family, friends, everything.

  12. James

    Hi my gf of a year and I recently broke up a few days ago. We had an amazing relationship where I felt things I hadn’t felt before. We had been arguing about stuff off and on but never fighting. A huge problem in our relationship was her not being able to trust me. There are a lot of women in my social circle and I spend time that I’m not with her out with my friends. It was always a big issue despite the fact that she told me on multiple occasions that she didn’t want me to change anything about it. When we broke up a few days ago she told me that that was the main reason, that she just couldn’t trust me. she kept alternating between crying and getting heated about her reasonings for doing so. The last few days have been me attempting to talk to her telling her how much I love her and want her back, telling her about all of the amazing things she has brought into my life. In response she will tell me that she appreciates all these things but needs space. I don’t want to move on for her but am very lost about what to do. I think she still wants me but it breaks my heart every second thinking about her being with someone else.
    What should i do?

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      I would give her the space she’s asking for. It sounds to me like you may want different things from a relationship, and a little time apart would help you both figure that out and find some common ground.

      When someone says “This bothers me, but I don’t want you to change,” it can mean “I wish you would change that, but I don’t want you to feel I made you do it. I just wish you would want to.” She may have wanted you to spend more time with her and didn’t want to say so for fear of sounding clinging or jealous. Or she may be looking for someone who would be saving money to settle down rather than going out so much. I don’t know, of course, but that kind of thing can be hard to say. Some space might help you both discuss what you want deep down.

  13. Kegan

    Here’s the skinny. I thought I found “the one”. She had that IT factor that you can’t explain.We got along great. We rarely fought. It didn’t start off as lust relationship. We initially were friends and it grew into something more. We dated only for a year. There was a month break in there. I know she never had any intention of hurting me, even when we fought. And I think she even delayed breaking it off because she didn’t want to hurt me.

    When she was ending it. She told me she had been been having doubts. And the feeling just won’t go away. We had talked about these doubts on several occasions. And I thought we had worked through them. Everyone has doubts right? It’s what keeps you honest in a relationship. To me, knowing that we could have an open non-judgemental discussion about her doubts made me feel confident that we were growing. And could honest with each other. Maybe I was just ignorant. While breaking up she told me that she wanted more than anything to be with me. But her gut was telling her we weren’t meant to be together becuz I deserve to be with a girl who doesn’t have these feelings. She said the reason it was so hard to break it off was because she doesn’t have a reason why. It just didn’t feel right to her.

    Because of how open we were with each I don’t really know if I buy that she was trying to let me down easy by saying that. Again that may just be ignorance. I think she is just so wrapped up in the idea of having a perfect relationship that she won’t settle for anything less.

    Maybe I messed up by being so confident about us. Maybe I didn’t understand where she was coming from like I should have. Like I mentioned we had broke up before. But I always could tell that she still loved me and we’d get back together. This time was different though. She was cold. Something in her eyes didn’t sparkle like they used to.

    It’s hard for me to find closure because I know what we had felt so right to me. She said it wasn’t true, but I felt that she was making it sound like I just wasn’t good enough. I don’t know what to do. Do I let her go? Do I persue? Do I give her time and space? My go-to is no contact. But it’s hard when she’s texting me that she misses me constantly. I just feel like her saying that is meaningless. There’s no action behind her words. I still haven’t texted or called her back. I don’t know. If I truely love her, maybe I should just let her go.

    Do you have any thoughts or suggestions? Can I get her back? Should I get her back?

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      It sounds like she is trying to hang onto you for when she wants to talk, while refusing to commit to anything more. That’s likely to be a horrible position for you. It won’t be an equal friendship and I think you’re right to stay away for now.

      I would see how you feel after 30 days of no contact. If at that time you still want her back, you might have a good chance. But she will need time to sort out how she feels. Hopefully she’ll start to understand that relationships need work and don’t come easy like a perfect fitting suit right off the shelf. But she will need to figure this out for herself. You can’t tell her, because it will sound like you are trying to talk her into something.

    2. Storm

      Wow, your story is exactly what’s happened to me exactly a month ago. I was with her for 2.5 years. we broke up once before for about 2 months then she came back. This time around she kept talking about gut feelings etc. We had just had a very good night the previous night and even as at 12:30Pm of the day of the break up, she was still txting me she loves me etc.

      Later that day around 5 ish, she calls me to tell me she’s had a dream and she had been speaking with her mom and she thinks we should just be friend. Her gut tells her we might break up if we got engaged or married. I was shocked. Since she said she didn’t want the relationship anymore, I didn’t beg or argue. she mentioned some other things about our fight over the summer which she said she couldn’t forget. I asked her if she thought she had be fair to me, she got really really upset and just started shouting at me. I remained calm and said to her, we are but adults, can’t we have a matured dialogue?

      However, since I had to rush back to the office (I was on my way to the office and she made me turn back to come over to talk to her coz she had this dream and her emotions were all over the place), I simply got up and was leaving. She got so upset and started yelling at me even more. It got me really confused and i had to turn to ask her, isn’t this what you want? She just kept yelling at me and i told her this is very unhealthy and that i was gonna make sure this break up was permanent.

      While i had left her apartment, i was waiting on the elevator, which took about 3 mins to come coz their was construction going on, While waiting, i could hear here screaming and shouting in her living room. It really bothered me. I kept wondering why is she so mad if she wanted to break up. I am the dumpee, i should be the one angry but i stayed calm

      3 weeks later, she msgs me about some money and a ring she left at my house. she suggested to she would come over in 2 days to pick it up. I am not sure why, when i could have giving it to a friend to hand it to her. Anyways, I immediately transferred the money to her account and FedEx her ring back.

      It’s exactly a week since i returned the ring and money, she never replied that she got it or anything but i know she did. if she’s over me why is she acting so angry.

      I really love this girl and we spoke of marriage, kids and our future together. I’m hurt by her ways and don’t know what to do. i have been no contact immediately after the break up. I haven’t stalked her social media or anything. I would want us to work out or relationship, but i am afraid she might be gone.

      Help me make sense of all this please!

      1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

        It does sound strange. Maybe she is stressed about other things. It sounds like you’re doing the right thing, and I think this system gives you the best chance of getting her back.

    3. Same situation best of luck to you

      Hello there I’m going to the same thing my girlfriend moved away a year ago and then relocated again and she didn’t talk to me or basically consult about her feelings I was expecting to pick up chance along the way to make things right I do understand how you feel we had a big argument again some of it was my fault and I take responsibility for my actions however she is ill and she’s having problems I’ve tried to reach out to him. No reply she told me to leave so I said okay I’m gone but that was our frustration and hurt just like when she has we both raised her voice is to one another I know that it’s wrong on either side I don’t blame her I miss her terribly she’s my best friend my confident the most consummate lover I could ever be with I will never ever ever talk badly about her I just feel that we should have been on the same page about some things I don’t know what to do it’s hurting like hell and I’m sure she’s hurting too she’s having a lot of problems herself so I try to be respectful and give her her space so you’re not alone just be patient and wait that’s all I can say right or wrong it’s the best I can be none hope that helps


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