How To Get A Girl Back In 5 Steps


Want to know how to get a girl back after a breakup? Getting an ex girlfriend back is a dream that many guys have, and if you look around, you’ll see that it can come true. Many couples have gotten back together after breaking up or separating. Why not you?

So it’s possible, you need to know how or you could simply drive her further away. To get it right, check out our 5 steps to getting an ex girlfriend back.

1. Take a good look at your motivation.

When somebody ends a relationship, it’s natural for the other person to feel bad or even angry because it hurts our pride to be dumped. Some guys reading this article might only want to get their girlfriends back to save face or get revenge on her by dumping her next time around. That’s not the case with you, is it? Because if it is, forget it. Getting her back will take time and energy and it’s not worth it if that’s your only reason. You’d be better off spending that time finding somebody else.

If you really love her, on the other hand, want to spend your life with her and have her be happy and all that, then that’s cool. Keep reading.

2. Take a break.

The first thing you’ll need to do is take a break from seeing her, calling her or even texting her. I know it’s hard but it’s the most important thing you can do right now.

Relationship expert Michael Fiore recommends 30 days of no contact after a breakup. This gives her time to cool off and see what she really wants. Maybe she left you for somebody else; you have to give her time to see that the other guy’s not right for her. Maybe she was just restless; she needs time to spread her wings and realize that being single is not so great, and what she had with you was precious.

Later you can take steps to remind her (subtly) of how great your relationship was, but right now, you have to give her the space that she’s asked for by ending the relationship.

It’s natural to want to pursue her – the hunting instinct is strong – but if you go after her now, she’ll just run even further. You can’t win this battle by forcing her to do something she doesn’t want to do right now.

3. When you do get back in contact, be cool.

Another good reason for taking a 30 day break is that when you do see her or talk, you need to sound cool. Pouring out all of your emotions would put a huge pressure on her that will just push her away. Even if you try to hide your emotion, while it’s still raw she will sense it and be embarrassed by it. Women are good at sensing what a person really feels.

Never beg or plead with your ex girlfriend. Don’t cry in front of her (or in front of any of her friends). That’s NOT how to get a girl back. To make sure, never call, text or email her when you’ve been drinking. And above all, don’t stalk her. Don’t try to find out what she’s doing or who she’s seeing.

If you’ve gone through 30 days without contact, then by the time you get back in touch with her you should be able to be calm about it. That’s another reason for staying away for a while. It will help you keep your contact light and friendly at first.

4. Don’t obsess over what went wrong.

Your girlfriend may have given you a reason for the breakup or she may not. It doesn’t matter because whatever reason she said probably wasn’t her deepest reason anyway. It’s hard enough to recognize our own motivations; it’s impossible to second guess somebody else’s.

There may be something you did that you know she didn’t like. For example some guys want to get back with an ex after she left because he had an affair. In that situation, you know what went wrong but you still need to put it behind you. There’s no point promising not to do it again. That only reminds her of the pain she felt and words won’t convince her anyway.

You need to show her that it’s her you really love. That means staying faithful through the 30 day no contact period, and then slowly and patiently trying to win her back.

5. Don’t try to recreate the same old relationship.

The relationship that you had ended because there was a problem, at least from her perspective. So however perfect it seemed to you, it’s important to let it go and create a fresh new relationship with her next time around.

Sure, you can make references now and then to the good times that you had, but not in a way that says “I wish we were back there”. That’s not how to get a girl back. Remember, it wasn’t so perfect from her point of view. Look to the future, and the better, happier, longer lasting relationship that you’re going to have this time around.


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Next post: 3 tips on getting your girlfriend back

4 thoughts on “How To Get A Girl Back In 5 Steps

  1. Jonathan

    Me and my now ex were in a long distance relationship after 6 years of dating. She went away to go to medical school and will be away for about 2-4 years. I broke up with her for some decent reasons that make logical sense. Now emotionally I’m destroyed. Texted her after a week, she blocked me through text and all social media. When she responded to a third party she made it clear that she would “stand her ground.”

    Should I move on? Attempt the 30 day break and reach out again?

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      Yes, I would attempt the 30 day break. You might find you have moved on by the end of it. If not, try the next steps, but it starts with no pressure, friendly contact.

  2. Adam

    I was her first boyfriend she was my first girlfriend. I always felt I communicated well with her I was always 100% honest and treated her like a princess. She would have mood swings a lot. She and I broke up twice. The first time she said she lost feelings but cried for weeks and I took her back after a month this time. She was more rude about it she just said she lost feelings she doesn’t know why.

    In the weeks leading up to the breakup were the most stressful. In our relationship we never fought when times were good we were best friends always laughing, smiling having a great time. Each time she started acting very rude and standoffish for no reason. I would tell her she looked beautiful and she would say shut up or you already said that. She would be very emotional and never smile.

    I felt she was never honest with me, I did everything for her it was a very 1 way street relationship. In the end of our relationship we went one time to pf changs and she didn’t say a word and was very emotional the whole dinner. Then my mother came to Boston to visit and took us out to a great dinner and she cried the whole time. It was very strange and embarrassing. It hurt me to see her like this because honestly I loved her more then myself and still do love her more then anything and can’t get her out of my head.

    None of my friends or family want me to take her back. They feel that she took me for granted. My family treated her like gold it’s in our nature to do that. For Christmas my mother surprised her and bought her floor seats to Taylor swift. I don’t like t swift lol but I couldn’t go because of work. So my ex went and she had no one to go with so my mom went with her. My spent thousands on the tickets we don’t have much we are immigrants but my mother took her got home at 2 am and was at work at 5 am. There were so many times I went above and beyond for her. I used to take care of her sister who is severely disabled, can’t walk, talk, and is in a feeding tube. She told me when I text her it makes her re think the relationship so she wants zero contact with me she told me she doesn’t hate me but she just doesn’t want to speak to me anymore. I would do anything to be with her. I can’t be without her. She’s my one and only. Whatever you can do to help I would deeply appreciate it. If you met me you would know I am an honest really nice guy. I would never hurt a fly I have an issue of giving too much to people out of the goodness of my heart. It breaks my heart I can’t be with her. I will do whatever it takes to get her back. I wanted her to live with me for free and I was saving money to pay off her loans.
    Looking forward to your help,

    1. Jennie Hernandez Post author

      Adam, the first step is always not to contact your ex for 30 days. See this post here for some information about it. Note that in that post it says: you must be prepared to do things differently next time around.

      In your case you might want to take some of that time to think about your own emotional needs and how you get them fulfilled in a relationship, because it’s a two way process. You say “I have an issue of giving too much to people out of the goodness of my heart.” But is it really out of the goodness of your heart or is it because you want something from them? Or want to feel good about yourself? I don’t mean to be harsh, but most of what we do is designed to get us some kind of a return. Your ex is a person, not a puppy – puppies love anyone who takes care of their material needs, but people don’t. They want a more equal relationship, in general.

      You can learn to feel good about yourself without “going above and beyond” for people. Sometimes, that doesn’t help them. For example, paying off her loans is not a great idea. Unless you are married and jointly responsible for all income and debts (and maybe even then), you’d help her more by enabling her to manage her finances herself. It’s great to be generous, but we also need to remember that people can feel guilty, smothered, or controlled by too much “helping”.

      If you pay off her loans, you are putting her in debt to you instead of the bank (even – or especially – if you don’t want her to pay the money back). Assuming she’s a good person herself, who would feel an obligation, it would become very hard for her to leave you without repaying that money. She’d be trapped in the relationship.

      There’s a thing called “reciprocity” which business people play on. They give us free stuff, so we feel an obligation to them, and then we’re more likely to buy from them. It’s normal human behavior to feel that obligation. A similar thing maybe happened with the concert tickets. Your mom (maybe unintentionally) put her in a situation where she couldn’t reciprocate, except by making the commitment to you that your mom might have been hoping for, and your ex wasn’t ready for. You see how making that kind of gift can appear controlling?

      If this suggestion hurts or angers you, it may have struck something deep in you and you might want to consider some assertiveness training or similar. Anyway I hope it helps, it is offered in that spirit. I’m concerned that if you continue with this level of one-sided generosity, you may lose your ex who sounds like she’s uncomfortable with it, and end up with someone who will take you for everything you’re willing to give and then some.


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